Custody Battles - the Monetary and Financial Costs

As an attorney, part of my job is to give the client complete information and then carry out the directions of the client. My duty to fully inform is never more important than when a parent in the process of divorce advises that they want sole custody of the child or children regardless of the costs. The costs and risks, as I see it, are as follows:

1) Costs of attorney's fees - Generally family law attorneys are paid by the hour, except where the parties have already reached agreement on property and child-related issues. In a custody battle which goes all the way to trial, the lawyer has to spend dozens-to-hundreds of hours just on the custody issue, from arranging for mental health experts to taking depositions of witnesses and experts to gathering of documentation of how well the children are doing in health, education and other critical areas. It is not uncommon for both sides to spend tens of thousands of additional dollars each on attorney's fees, money that goes to the lawyers instead of the parents and the children.

2) Costs of experts and attorneys for the children - In a custody dispute, it is common for the Court to order the parties to participate in mediation, the cost of which (if any) the parties are usually required to share. If mediation does not settle the dispute, the Court will most often appoint a lawyer to represent the children at the expense of the parents. The Court also has the authority to appoint an independent child custody evaluator to interview the children and the parents and to recommend to the Court who should get custody, all generally at the expense of the parents. Meanwhile, the parents also typically hire their own mental health professionals to do interviews, make reports and to testify at a cost of several thousand dollars for each side.

3) Emotional costs to the parents - No matter who wins and who loses, typically both sides wind up feeling bitter for what was said and done in the process of the custody battle. That bitterness effects how well the parents communicate and cooperate after the issue is decided and (sometimes) how well and objectively they parent the children.

4) Emotional costs to the children - Regardless of what children said during interviews and whether they stated a preference for one parent over the other, children who are old enough will feel that they were asked to take sides. Worse yet, many children feel responsible for the Court's decision, feeling that the Judge made a decision which was controlled by their testimony. The danger is that the child will feel guilty for "hurting" the other parent or that they can continue to control who they live with.

5) Loss of control for everyone - If parents cannot negotiate a settlement on custody themselves, those critical and life-altering decisions will be made by a Judge, a (hopefully) objective and well-trained stranger.

Despite the costs and risks, the needs of children often require that a custody battle be waged. If my client makes that informed choice, I will "go to the mat" for the client and the children.

Ken Runes
December, 2002

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